Friday, July 20, 2012

"Inside the mind of a Boxer and a Rottweiler's mind"

Being a dog is not all that great. It has its good and bad moments. Right now, I am bored shit-less watching these cats groom each other while they hang around like humans do at a

Brothel! I am watching that black cat Pepper closely as he is watching me! My owner seems to be quite content at bleaching the counters while she is naked and dancing to some 

stupid 80's music. I wonder if she has a mental problem? Come to think of it, all humans seem to be screwed up in the head! 

My owner seems to be cool but she too, has her moments.

All the dog owners at the dog park are stupid as far as I am concerned. All of us dogs know it but we do not acknowledge it because us dogs are suppose to help them be happy.

I don't remember signing up for this deal with God, or did I?

Urghhh, This is my life for the moment and I should not complain but I am bored to death! Let's get serious... how many toys can a dog chew on before its jaws get tired?

I am not allowed to run in the house and not allowed to chew the remote or any other objects except my toys! BORING!!

I need some excitement here! The pissing trick can only work once in awhile. My meal time is in about 2 hrs and I have nothing to do but watch the cats hang out while my owner 

bleaches the counters and dance in the nude... great! 

I wanna chase birds and run free. I wanna catch the ball, no matter who throws the damn thing. I wanna be in the sunshine where it is warm. 

Mama Ben, my owner's mother is the best.

When she takes me, I get the Royalty treatment. She feeds me all sorts of human goodies and puts Egyptian perfume on me. 
When she takes me out for my business in the rain, she carries an umbrella over me and wipes me down like I am a princess. ( I am a Princess, but Mama Ben is the only one that 

seems to know that! )

Bummer! :(  I wanna see Mama Ben now! Maybe, if I concentrate hard enough, she will come?

Focusing at the door the way I do with the ball by staring at it...

( Growling )  It's been about 30 minutes now and nothing is happening! My owner is still busy with her senseless cleaning and dancing.

Right now, I don not wanna be a dog! I feel miserable and bored stiff!

What can I do? What shall I do? ...

Screw this thinking inside my head, I need a nap! Mama can wake me up when she is done with her shit. Speaking of SHIT... I need to take one very soon!

I can feel it wanting to come out. I wonder if I can blame that one on the cats? Hmm... Should I try that and see if I could cause some Shit with SHIT? 

I am all alone inside my head here. Can anyone blame a dog for thinking? I think NOT!  ( Exhaling... )

That was a great walk with my big dummy. He's tons of fun when he wants to be, but I seriously think he's got multiple personality disorder or something like that. One day he's acting all mellow, the next he's all wound up. All too entertaining at times, these humans are really funny creatures.
People have no idea of what they're doing, that much I've come to learn. Hey, just because I'm a dog doesn't mean I have no brains. That's just what we lead people to think, as we dogs are content to have no responsibilities of any kind, we love the freedom of being able to basically do as we please. Granted it comes with certain boundaries, but that's just fine as well. Everyone and everything needs boundaries.
Good think my master has boundaries, for the most part anyways. He's been known to extend his from time to time. Reminds me of a certain park visit of recent past, when he saw a female seated at one of the park benches as she watched her dog taking a dump a few feet away.
He told me, "Ok boy, go up to her and lay your head in her lap".  I looked up at him with a look of confusion to which he added "Well what are you waiting for? Go boy, go"!
He gave me a light kick in the ass and off I went. He knows I don't like doing this crap, I mean I wouldn't even put my snout in another female dogs crotch, much less a freakin' humans crotch! What does he think I am, a dog? Idiot.
Trotting along on my way over to this woman, I came across an idea. I decided to screw up his plan by walking over to the woman's dog, which was a poodle looking really prissy by the way, and mounting her to the dismay and shock of her owner letting out a scream for Othello to come and get a hold of me.
Not what he had in mind at all. I totally embarrassed him in front of several dozen other park goers, as well as the rest of the dogs in the near vicinity.
That will show him not to have me do his dirty work. If he wants to meet skanks, he can very well do it on his own. I'll be the one to choose who's crotch I sniff!

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