Wednesday, August 8, 2012

"Another day with Maza and Bruno"

"Maza, wake up! We are running late and we gotta go!" were the first words that came out of my Mama's mouth...

I am still sleepy and I don't wanna get off the bed! This being a dog thing is starting to piss me off just a little!

"We gotta do shopping for the cats and you Maza! And maybe after, we can go to the park!"

Okay, now she has my full attention!The park again? Kool!

I swear watching my owner multi-task is entertaining! She just goes to it like a Banshee outta hell!

She wears a Timer around her neck and constantly times everything! Talk about Obsessive/Compulsive behavior!

Wow! I wonder, what kind of human man will end up with her?

Oh Oh...Black cat Pepper is giving me the EYE again! I must do something to get him off my ass!

I will plan another strategy to get him in shit! I will do it, after the shopping, while we are at the park!

Oh my, this truck ride is a bit bumpy today! Thank God I am a dog and don't have to carry any of that shit Mama must carry up the stairs!

God Forbid that she ever finds out there are dogs who can actually do such things! 

I get so nervous when Mama meets a dog trainer! The Bitch might actually leak it out that I can be trained to carry bags up the stairs!

If that trainer does tell her? I will bite her ass so bad she'd wish she never laid eyes on me ever!   

It's all good right now that Mama tells me to go first up the stairs while she slaves away at carrying those huge bags of food for us pets!

Sometimes, I feel sorry for her... She is so hard-working only to come home to a mess that the cats and I made!

But what can she expect? 17 cats and a Boxer?

Was she out of her mind?

Yes, of course she was! Maybe not when she got me but them lazy ass furry things that she calls cats are all retarded!

One actually thinks he is a dog! Plays catch with Mama and she thinks it's cute! 

That's called Bullshit from a Cat's ass! 

Moka is no dog! How about that Snoopy cat who does tricks like giving mama a High 5! Loves to ride on a rocking chair and a pillow my Mama shakes and calls earthquake!

What a Bozo! His sister Isis who thinks she is a Princess! She wears sunglasses! What a goofie twit!

There are so many of them I could eat but one and that would have to be Gizzmo. He's a Cool Cat!

I still remember the day mama was cleaning the litter box and Gizzmo was on top of the lid of one of the boxes and I had this crazy thought of Humping him, so I did!

Gizzmo just let me! He kept looking at Mama with his Blue eyes and wimpy meow!  It was so funny doing him Dog style! 

Mama saw it and was shocked! All the while, all she could do was to wave the Poopie Scooper at me! Yelling out "Maza...Stop that!" 

It was too funny! She was in her robe looking like she belonged in a mental hospital!

Oh great! Finally, done the shopping so off to the Dog Park we go! 

I wonder who will be there today? I can't wait to see all the idiotic owners! The rest of the dogs are okay but I sure hate a few of them and their owners!

I wish I could just take a big bite out of their fat lazy asses! 

They all think they are doing us dogs a favor, more like they are doing themselves a favor by moving their lazy asses off the couch! 

Ooooh, hey, wait a second... Who was that cute Dog? Mama! Mama! Mama, you stupid bitch stop the damn truck, I wanna say hello to that dog! 

Grrrrrrrrr...she either ignored me or her hearing is now gone for shits!

Damnn... That was a cute Rottweiler! I wanna get a better look at him! 

Park the truck, you old Banshee! 

Please Mama! 

Watch me Mama, I am so excited, I am actually barking which I never do! 

Urgh, what's the use! She can't understand me anyway! 

I think today will be a grand day as there is a new kid in town! I will make sure NOT to pay attention to him! 

He probably thinks he is the RAMBO of dogs, watch his name be something like Rocky. 

I would shit myself to death if I guessed this one right! And it looks like I am about to find out as they are coming our way...    

Well that was a close call. Thank God for my fast thinking. I really didn't like that woman with her stupid looking poodle. What do people see in poodles anyway? They're so ugly, always having problems with their eyes and haircuts so ridiculous, they look as if they belong in some kind of circus act or something. Woof! Hideous dogs they are, would never even think of mating with their kind.
Othello was so upset at me, as he apologized emphatically to the woman for my rude behavior. All I could do was give him the dumbfounded look of a dog, and let out a grunt of discontent as I trotted off to the small lake to get a few sips of water. I looked back to my dismay, as I watched Othello make a fool of himself by trying to talk to the woman even after I violated her precious little poofy mutt. Surprisingly, she was more receptive than I thought she'd be. I must think of a way to get him away from her, as she was just as ridiculous looking as her dog.
I decided to go back over to them, as they were having a conversation by now. On my way over, I noticed a  piece of dog crap that was freshly squeezed from another mutt. I gently picked it up in my mouth and walked over to the lady my owner was talking to, and placed it onto her lap. 
"Bruno! What the hell are you doing? You crazy dog!" I just sat there as I watched Othello's face turn so red, you'ld think he just swallowed a  Bhut Jolokia, which is the hottest pepper on Earth. 
The woman now was just a bit perturbed, as she jumped off the bench and let out a yell of disgust. She then looked at Othello and told him "You're dog is a filthy beast, and you need to teach that bastard some manners, you fucking moron!"
That did the trick, as my owner now got a taste of the woman's short temper and finally decided she was a bit too tightly wrapped for him. He apologized once again and made off in a hasty retreat, motioning me to come along. 
I then looked up at the woman, then over to her ugly poodle and said good-bye with a departing gift of my very own...a silent but deadly fart that made the shit I put on her lap smell like roses in comparison.
Ah yes, I'm such a devious hound. Good times for sure. I love being a dog at times, especially times like this.
Got to catch up with Othello now, as he's scurrying across the landscape, trying to distance himself from this recent embarrassment. Let's see what I can stir up next...

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