Wednesday, July 18, 2012

"Inside Maza's mind and Bruno's mind"

Finally, out of the house after my owner gave Pepper shit by sticking his face in my piss! Now pepper will plot to get me and i must be prepared for war!

For now, I will enjoy the park and watching the many dumb humans who walk behind their dog waiting for them to take a shit! I love the fact that they gotta scoop it!

What gets me laughing inside is when I have a really soft movement and my owner gotta put up with the mushy shit sticking to the grass! Ha, Ha, Ha...

She has this habit of saying my name like she is in shock, then she frowns and does a shiver before she cleans up after me! 

She can't stand any seeing even a smear of shit on the grass, so she rinses the grass with my water! My water! How rude! Did she ask me for permission?

The audacity of these humans irritate me and make me want to have 10 bowel movements!

Yes! we are now at the park...

It looks pretty crowded! Oh my gosh, there is that poodle I can't stand with the stupid bows and outfits that clowns wear! She looks just like her owner. 

Anorexic freaks! I could swallow both of them in one go! Oh, and there is that black lab that has a crush on me. I swear, he better behave this time around or I will put him down!

Ugly ass horn dog! Just look at him rubber neck every time a female walks by... DISGUSTING! No Class at all!

My owner looks like she wants to walk a bit, I can handle that! 

Hmm... Looks like the Tom Selleck look a like dude has a thing for my Mama! Isn't that nice... He is trying to give me a treat to impress my Mama but I am gonna play shy and work 

him with my beautiful eyes. he will have no choice but to stop staring at my Mama and keep his focus on me! He acts like he likes his dog but I saw him last week giving his dog shit 

and calling her a bunch of nasty names! She needs to learn how to growl and bite! He might think twice if she growled just once! 

Yey, his wife just came over. She is one jealous bitch and hates my Mama! My owner doesn't pay any mind to her but I can tell she would love to slap her across the face! ha ha ha...

This is nice! Oh... Mama wants to play ball? Cool! 

I love my life! 

Well... right at this second, I do. I am not sure what will happen when we get home and Pepper gets out of the room. He is probably gathering the rest of the 17 cats and 

planning an ambush attack on me. I don't care! I am bigger than all of them and smarter too! If they gang up on me? I will take them out one by one!

Oh my.... I think I gotta take a dump after that 4th ball catch. I have a feeling I am about to create something very Big out of my cute little ass! 

I am Amazing and I know that! 

Oh my... I gotta do it now!!. It's not my fault, I am just a Dog! ( Squatting .....)

Ah the great outdoors! It's roaming time once again, and I'm going to leave my scent on every tree I can manage to reach, if Othello ever gives me some slack on this God forsaken chain around my huge neck! Why they ever came up with such stupid devices is beyond me. Don't these humans know that we can walk just fine without the use of them? If you ask me, I think there are more humans in need of a leash then dogs! Hypocritical fools that they are...
No problem. I'll just make nice and trot right along next to my human dummy of an owner. Besides, sometimes it's all too tempting to just take off like a bat out of hell and drag the poor son of a bitch for a few blocks, all the while laughing my ass off as Othello yells at me to slow down, his goofy look on his face like he's about to end up getting run over by passing cars as I lead him through red lights at cross-walks! I also love to see the other humans looking on, some laughing and some shouting out moronic statements like "Hey dude! Get control of that animal!"
My favorite is when we stroll through town at lunch time. Some restaurants will have outdoor tables. This is not the smartest thing I've seen humans do, at least not when I'm treading through. One should see the look on Othello's face as I pull him through the sections of tables, weaving through while grabbing assorted lunch items off of the customers' nicely arranged patio tables. He's always apologizing for me, face beet red with embarrassment. Poor dummy.
You'ld think by now he'd learn his lesson, but no. Just like clockwork, I can always count on a free lunch with meathead at the helm. Yep, I love my big dummy, he's a real special kind of stupid.

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