Tuesday, July 17, 2012

"Maza and Bruno"

Hmm... I wonder if my owner will wake up any minute now. She has been in bed for about 10 hours! What the hell is wrong with this female human? One day she is up running with 

speed and the next day she is zombied out! I gotta take a piss and if she does not wake up soon, I will have no choice but to piss! I need a strategy! 

I will take a piss on different areas of the house and make her think the cats did it! Good plan! damn, I am way too smart. 

I wonder who of the 17 cats will get the blame? I hope it's that 'King Pin' black cat, Pepper.

Yeah! he has been known to piss on everything! I will count to 10 and if she does not get her bubble ass out of bed, I will do my golden showers all over the place!

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Now, all I need to do is get passed these cats that are staring at me, as if they want to pounce on me!

Lucky for them, I am an animal lover! I would love to take one of them by the neck and shake it around like one of my toys! I am very tempted but business first....

ahhh... Piss number one done! I think 3 more spots shall do...

Awesome! now, I can go back to my nap while the Zombie sleeps.


Oh shit is about to be shoved up my ass if she finds out I did the pissing. I better act really sleepy! 

"Maza, you want some yum yum, then we go for your business? Mom will have a cup of coffee first okay?"

As if I can answer her back! Gee, why are these humans so stupid? Nonetheless, I will act sleepy and sad. I must act innocent or cute, that will be easy as I am a PRO!.

Oh Oh... she saw the first spot I pissed on, here we go...

"Pepper! Did you do this you bad boy! come here! stop running away from me you pisser!"

It worked! my plan worked! Pepper is now gonna have it in me, so I better make sure to stay away from that Panther looking cat with his mean ass claws.

Now, I wait for her to find the next 3 spots and see if Pepper will get locked in the room for a day along with the other cats! 

That sure would be nice to have the whole place to myself without them in-bred-red-neck-ass-eating cats in my way!    

That was a good nap. Hmmm, I'm feeling kinda hungry now, think I'll take a look around and see if any scraps have been left lying around. Othello's always leaving food somewhere, he eats all the time. Matter of fact, I rarely ever see the guy without something in his mouth. It's amazing how much he eats, yet still manages to keep looking fit, kinda like me. Yep, we have at least that much in common.

I can't believe he's still at the computer. His ass is planted to the chair for many hours during the day. I don't see how these humans can spend so much time staring at a monitor. What ever happened to the good outdoors? Gotta get out and roam the territory, check out what's out there and enjoy nature.

Ah good, found some scraps laying around...pizza! I love pizza! Thank God for the Italians, they really know how to make some tasty foods! I hate dog food. It sucks! No flavor whatsoever. I wonder how other dogs can stand that crap. Give me a slice and a beer, and I'm good.

Let's see if I can get Othello to take me for a walk at least. I usually just approach him with my leash. Gotta make it easy for these humans, because if you don't, they tend to just look at you with that stupid grin on their faces, making silly comments like... "What's the matter? You hungry? You want your chew toy?"

No moron, you see I have this leash in my mouth, don't you? Now get off your lazy ass, and put that box you've been staring at for the past 4 hours in sleep mode for a while! I need some fresh air! Let's go see if we can manage to walk somewhere where I can piss on some trees and sniff some butts!

Nice, he took the bait. Very good my human keeper, you're not as dumb as you look. On our way to roam for a while...I love the outdoors! The world is better outside than in an enclosed space. After all, I am a dog.

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